Tongue Fu!/Bully

What do you do when someone says or does something unfair or unkind?

Do you remain silent because you don’t know what to say?

Do you speak up only to wish you hadn’t?

Or do you think of the perfect response … on the way home?

It’s natural to get upset when someone is rude complaining, arguing, inappropriate and taking their frustration out on you.

You may think, “This isn’t fair!” or “I don’t get paid enough to deal with this” or “What a jerk.”

These reactions, while understandable, only make matters worse. Why? Initial reactions almost always hurt more than they help because they create an adversarial atmosphere that escalates the situation. From now on, your goal is to think before you speak so you can respond (vs. react) and turn resistance into receptivity, conflict into cooperation.

Are you thinking, “I agree with this, I just don’t know how to do it.”

You’re not alone. The irony is, we’re taught math, science and history in school; we’re NOT taught what to say when people are complaining, arguing, criticizing, interrupting, unhappy, upset or impatient. That’s where Tongue Fu!® …“martial arts for the mind and mouth” … comes in. Tongue Fu!® is the course you WISH you’d had back in school.  It’s a trade-marked process that has been endorsed by Anthony Robbins who calls it “terrific,” by John Gray who says “Everyone should read it,” and Executive Book Summaries who says it’s a “MUST for anyone who deals with the public.”

Sam’s presentations, workshops and books on this topic provide exactly what to say and do to:

  • Deal with difficult people – without becoming one yourself
  • Stop blamers, shamers and complainers in their verbal tracks
  • Persuade people to stop and listen to your point of view
  • Think on your feet so you’re never tongue-tied
  • Create a culture of courtesy and collaboration
  • Motivate people to treat you with the respect you want and deserve
  • Keep your emotions under control – even when others aren’t

Sam customizes each presentation so it focuses on the specific theme, priorities and needs of your group.  You’re welcome to contact to request details about Sam’s Tongue Fu! programs for specific industries and professions including:

  • Tongue Fu!® for Customer Service …  Tongue Fu!® for Sales/Marketing
  • Tongue Fu!® for Teams … Tongue Fu!® for Managers/Supervisors
  • Tongue Fu!® for Schools … Tongue Fu!® for Teachers/Principals/Educational Staff
  • Tongue Fu!® for Parents/Families   … Tongue Fu!® for Couples
  • Tongue Fu!® for Associations … Tongue Fu!® for Nonprofits

Discover for yourself why Tongue Fu!® has been published in 17 languages around the world (from China to South America) and has been taught at organizations as diverse as Boeing, the U.S. Embassy in London, Amgen, Associated General Contractors and Henrico School District.

What If Our Employees and Members have to Deal with Bullies?

Well, you’re in the right place. About eight years ago, more and more people in my Tongue Fu!® workshops were saying, “I agree with everything you’re saying, and I agree that these techniques work with most people. Are you thinking, “I believe in collaboration and cooperation and treating each other with respect, however our associates are dealing with bullies who are repeatedly breaking our rules and mistreating our staff. We need to know how to deal with them.”

However, there’s this ONE person who is having a disproportionately destructive impact on everyone around him/her.  Everyone dreads dealing with this person. We’ve tried everything … active listening, compassion, putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes to try to understand where s/he’s coming from; proactive problem-solving … NOTHING WORKS.”

They’re right.  Win-win approaches work with most people because 95% of people have a conscience. They care what’s fair.  They listen to reason.  They self-examine, self-correct and are accountable for their actions. Ultimately, they want to cooperate and get along with people.

Then, there are bullies … or what I call the 5%ers.

5%ers don’t have a conscience.  They don’t want A win-win; they want TO win.  They don’t want to cooperate; they want to control.  They are Machiavellian in that they will do whatever they need to do to get what they want … without remorse of how it impacts others.

Most of us simply aren’t equipped to deal with the damage and the havoc bullies wreak on everyone unfortunate to work with, for or around them … because we simply can’t believe people would behave this way.

The good news is, there ARE steps you can take as an individual and an organization to deal pragmatically with bullies so they don’t undermine the effectiveness, productivity and morale of your employees and staff period… and the profitability of your organization by chasing away customers who won’t come back and will tell everyone they know NOT to do business with you.

There are even ways to deal with bully clients who are aggravating other customers and undermining your profits.

Contact to inquire about our “Never be Bullied Again” presentations and workshops and how we can tailor a program that will help your organization face this issue.

Discover for yourself why I was hired by ASAE (American Society of Association Executives) to speak at their annual convention on this topic.

Not clear if you’re dealing with an “everyday” difficult person (a 95%er) … or a 5%er (a full blown bully)?  Read this post and take the ARE YOU DEALING WITH A BULLY QUIZ.