If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.” – Brene Brown
Ruth Rathblatt was born with a limb difference, which she used to call a “little hand”.
She told me, “For years, I hid my hand. I would keep it in my pocket. Hide it in my coat. Tuck it behind me. It was a source of embarrassment and shame.
Then, I realized my hiding was holding me back. It was keeping me from going out in public. From meeting new people. From being my full self.
So, I stopped hiding my hand and started talking about it. I let people see it. Answered their questions. Accepted it as part of me.
And the most amazing thing happened…
People started sharing things THEY had been hiding. If I went first and had the courage to be vulnerable, they felt safe doing the same.
I was moved to write a book about my journey to stop hiding. Since then, I’ve been hired by companies around the globe to talk to their teams about the harm of hiding, how it disconnects us because no one feels they belong, and no one feels safe to be real.
People would come up in the halls, tears in their eyes, to thank me. To share the weight of their secrets. The burden of thinking they were the only ones who felt like this.
They shared their astonishment that once they dared to reveal what was actually going on in their life, instead of being judged, their truth became a source of respect and connection.”
Could Your Flaw Be Your Force for Good?
“I don’t need to be so full of myself that I feel I am without flaw. I can feel beautiful and imperfect at the same time.” – Lupito Nyong’o
Ruth told me, “What I didn’t know was that the very thing I was hiding, would become my opportunity to be a force for good.
I’ve become a woman on a mission about the importance of this.
When I’m in a conversation and everyone’s doing the “Everything’s fine” facade and indulging in shallow chit-chat, I sometimes ask, “May I unhide to you?”
I ask for permission because if, for whatever reason, people don’t want to go there, I honor that. Who knows? Maybe they’re busy, overwhelmed, uninterested, or just don’t have the bandwidth.
But many times, people say, ‘Please do.’ As soon as I start talking honestly, they feel free to do the same.
My willingness to go first and talk about my ‘flaw’ sets a precedent that gives them permission to talk about their ‘flaw.’ In doing so, we realize everything we have in common.”
It’s natural to think that we should hide what is wrong with us. That people will judge us, think less of us, want nothing to do with us if they find out who we “really” are.
And yet. The opposite often happens.
People think, “Oh, well, if you’re going to tell the truth, so can I.”
The truth is, we’re all “flawed.” That doesn’t make us wrong, that makes us… human.
The sooner we realize what we’re embarrassed about – is the very thing we’re supposed to share – is the day our “flaw” becomes a Force for Good that connects rather than divides us.
How About You?
Do you have something you’re hiding? Something you’re embarrassed about?
Have you been afraid to show this because you’re afraid of being judged?
Have you realized that what makes you feel you don’t belong is exactly why you do?
Could choosing to share this with others be an opportunity to be a force for good?