“When influencing others, example is not the main thing, it’s the only thing.” – Albert Schweitzer
One of my favorite questions on the agency quiz is, “Did anyone ever teach you agency? If so, how did they encourage and support you in being a change agent?”
I’ve heard fascinating stories from people about how their parents fostered a “You can do it” attitude, a trust in their ability to handle whatever comes up.
People also cite a favorite grandparent, school teacher, coach, or former boss who believed in them and gave them the confidence “that I could do and be anything I wanted to be.”
My AGEncy came on the back of a horse.
I grew up in a small mountain valley, more horses than people.
My sister Cheri and I would be gone on our horses all day – even when we were eight and nine years old – and our folks didn’t worry.
To put this in perspective, this was before cell phones so we were really “on our own.”
Mom and Dad didn’t caution us to be careful or warn us of all the things that could go wrong.
They trusted that whatever happened, we could figure it out.
So we did.
Gt bucked off? Figure it out. Bridle break? Figure it out.
As a result, we grew up seeing the world as an adventurous place, not a dangerous place.
Instead of worrying something might go wrong, we kind of expected things would go wrong – and when they did, we could handle it.
In my upcoming book, I define AGENCT as the “opportunity, ability, responsibility to IMPROVE whatever happens to you, by you, around you.”
Who nurtured that in you? Who honored it, and facilitated it?
A boat captain named Captain Jen said her parents were the ones who fostered her agency.
Her folks were music teachers who loved to sail in their free time. Every summer, they would charter a sailboat and sail up and down the East Coast. When they pulled into a harbor, they would give Jen $5 and send her into town in their little dinghy to “get some ice cream.”
Jen laughed and said, “It wasn’t until I was older that I understood that was more about them getting privacy than it was about me getting ice cream.”
She continued, “But they never warned me about ‘stranger danger’ or focused on the fact that I was a 12-year-old on my own in a new town.
They had confidence in my ability to handle whatever came up, so I did.
I think that’s what directly led to me becoming an entrepreneur and starting my own charter sailing company in Annapolis, Maryland.
Instead of being intimidated by the scary statistics about how many small businesses fail in their first year, worrying I’d never hire anyone, and would have to take out a loan to get a schooner (which I called Woodwind in honor of my folks), I had faith in my agency.”
Back to you.
Was there a pivotal person who facilitated your agency?
What did they specifically do or say to support – or hold you accountable for – your agency?
Did they repeatedly tell you “You can do it” or “You can handle it?”
Was there a time, instead of “rescuing you,” they trusted your ability to figure things out?
Was it their “norm” – just how things were or what they expected – so it became your norm?
While we’re thinking about this, have you thanked that person for what they did for you?
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