I’m in Costa Rica with my son and his family working on my newest book AGEncy.

I define AGEncy as the “opportunity, ability, responsibility to IMPROVE what happens to us, by us, and around us.”

Notice I didn’t say CONTROL. There’s a lot in our life we can’t CONTROL.

But we can improve it.

And therein lies our AGEncy.

We can have – and take – AGEncy at any age and stage.

It is the lead domino of a well-led life.

In fact, AGEncy is THE key to a quality life.

I’m on a writing roll – and that means my life is my lab and everything around me is fodder for the book.

It’s an exquisite state where my mind is full with this topic and the ideas are flowing as fast as I can get them down.

Remember the famous phrase from the movie “The Sixth Sense” … “I see dead people?”

Well, I see AGEncy people.

Example?

As soon as we got to Andrew’s favorite surfing spot at Golden Hour yesterday, 7-year-old Hiro grabbed his boogie board, said, “I’m going in” and headed to the waves.

Now, Andrew could have said “Wait for me.”

Think of all that’s inferred in that.

“The ocean is a dangerous place. You’re not safe without me. You can’t do this by yourself. You’ll put yourself at risk. I don’t have confidence in you to handle this.”

Instead, he said two words.

“Go ahead.”

Those two words inferred/instilled the OPPOSITE of all the above.

Which do you think will foster Hiro’s AGEncy – his self-sufficiency, his ability to think and do for himself and figure things out along the way?

One chapter of my upcoming book is how words – even a couple of them – set up ripple effects.

The words we use when talking to our self – and others – either sabotage or support AGEncy.

Think of the difference between “Wait for me” or “Go ahead” – of “Be careful” or “Have fun.”

Think about how you were brought up.

What words did your parents say to you that affected your AGEncy?

Now think about your role as a parent, a partner, a leader.

What words are you using to support other people’s AGEncy?