Years ago, my son Andrew started a non-profit called Dreams for Kids in D.C. He landed a 15-minute meeting with Dr. Roberta McLeod, the Director of Howard University, where he was going to ask to use their Campus Center—for free—to host the Dreams for Kids annual holiday party.
A few minutes in, Andrew realized Dr. McLeod was being polite; but she was also waiting for him to stop talking so she could tell him why it wasn’t going to happen.
So, he paused for a moment and imagined her thoughts: “You want this space for free? Do you know how many groups want that? Do you realize the cost to us?”
Then, Andrew looked around her office and noticed her walls were covered with pictures of her students who had gone on to become successful business leaders, politicians, educators and entrepreneurs.
Andrew asked, “How did you get into this line of work?”
She talked about her challenging upbringing and how getting an education had helped her overcome obstacles and become the person she wanted to be.
She spoke of how satisfying it was helping young people get the support and opportunities they deserved.
When she finished, he said simply, “That’s what we want too.”
She smiled, laughed, and grabbed her calendar. “Okay, Andrew, what was that date again?” she asked.
You see, Andrew didn’t listen to manipulate; he listened to understand. And that made all the difference.
ACTION
The bottom-line? If we want people to give us their attention, we must first give them ours.
Ask yourself this… In recent conversations, have you truly listened, or were you just waiting for your turn to speak?
Next time, catch yourself if you’re doing the latter. Pause, shift your focus to what matters to them, and ask thoughtful questions to genuinely understand their perspective – instead of just waiting for your chance to respond.
P.S. Want more tips on how to listen with compassion – even when you’re tired or frustrated? Read this LinkedIn article (and subscribe to my LI Newsletter) for fresh content every week.